Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
