I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
