shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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