I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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