Already got asked if we're dating
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
