piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
