I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
