Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My cat gives me a boner
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
