I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
