College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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