Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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