Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
