I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
