Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
