How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
