i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
