My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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