yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
