Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize