I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
