with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pants are for mortals
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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