i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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