somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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