Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
