My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
