come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
