John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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