Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
