her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
