you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
