so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
3 2 1 whiskey
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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