I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
