the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
