moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
