my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
