the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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