i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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