I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize