I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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