Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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