maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize