dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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