I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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