Too much gin, very little bucket
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
