Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
