guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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