I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
