Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
