When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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