He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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