I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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