either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
