She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
