i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
