HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
