3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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