Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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