It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
