I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
