Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
