I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
