Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
