I hate your face
one might say we're banned from that church
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
