I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
