I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
