Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you never un-have a 4some
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
