Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
