Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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