Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
